WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump proudly introduced the world to what he called his “greatest invention since the border wall prototypes” – a giant red button labeled “Tariffs ON” and a matching one labeled “Tariffs OFF”, now mounted on the Oval Office wall “where the thermostat used to be.”
“Some presidents had the nuclear football, I have the tariff toggle,” Trump boasted, demonstrating how a single push of the button would “instantly apply or remove crushing tariffs on any country, product, or person.”
He claimed to have used it already during lunch, toggling it three times before settling on a 104% tariff on Chinese manufactured iPhone details.
According to aides, the buttons are connected directly to a large spinning wheel in the West Wing labeled “Who Gets Tariffed Next?” and a buzzer that shouts “YOU’RE TAXED!” every time a country loses favor.
“It adds excitement to international trade,” Trump said, adding that it was “more accurate than the WTO and definitely more fun.”
When asked about the potential economic consequences of this system, Trump shrugged and said, “Look, the economy is like a microwave. You press buttons, stuff happens. I’m just making popcorn – very powerful, very American popcorn.”
* Image: X.com