WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has announced that the U.S. is ready to give Russia full security guarantees after Vladimir Putin gives up his nuclear arsenal, citing inspiration from the nostalgic 1994 Budapest Memorandum.
“We’re bringing it back, folks – like a sequel, but classier. Budapest 2.0. The best memorandum, maybe ever,” Trump declared, while adding that this time the deal would actually involve respecting Russia’s international borders – after Moscow gets rid of the bombs.
Trump explained that America’s promise would be “very strong, very powerful, much stronger than before,” clarifying that unlike the original deal with Ukraine, “this time people will really mean it.”
When asked how the U.S. would enforce it, Trump shrugged: “Simple. I made Putin pinky swear during our Alaska Summit last Friday. You can’t break a pinky swear. Everybody knows that.”
Putin reportedly reacted with visible confusion, asking aides, “Wait, wasn’t the last time about Ukraine’s nukes?”
Trump allegedly replied, “Yes, but you didn’t stick to your side of the deal. So now, let’s do it again, only this time you give up your nukes. Fair trade. May be the fairest trade in history.”
Diplomatic observers are sceptical, but Trump remains confident: “This will be remembered as the Trump Memorandum. Bigger than Budapest, bigger than NATO. Borders for bombs, folks. The art of the deal, but with warheads.”
* Image: Wikimedia commons cc-ac-4.0
