WASHINGTON, D.C – President Donald Trump reportedly announced he will be skipping Super Bowl LX after learning, much to his visible disappointment, that the event would not be renamed “The Greatest Trump Game in History.”
Sources say the decision came after extensive negotiations with the NFL broke down when officials refused to replace the Lombardi Trophy with a gold-plated mirror labeled “You’re Welcome.”
Trump allegedly called the current name “very unfair, very boring, and frankly, low-energy.”
According to insiders, Trump had already prepared remarks declaring the halftime show “the best halftime show anyone has ever seen, maybe ever,” despite not knowing who was performing.
When aides gently reminded him the Super Bowl traditionally celebrates football teams and not personal branding opportunities, Trump was said to reply, “Wrong. Nobody brands harder than me. Tom Brady learned from watching television. Probably.”
The White House clarified that Trump still supports football, especially “when it’s done correctly,” but felt the Super Bowl LX missed a tremendous opportunity to achieve historic greatness by not centering itself around him.
He reportedly floated alternative names such as Trump Bowl, Super Trump Sunday, and The Big, Beautiful, Perfect Game, all of which were rejected within seconds.
Trump instead plans to spend Super Bowl LX Sunday doing what he does best: live-posting commentary, critiquing commercials he hasn’t watched, and reminding everyone that if he ran the Super Bowl, it would be bigger, louder, and somehow have better ratings than reality itself.
“Enjoy the game,” he reportedly said, “but just remember – it could’ve been tremendous.”
*Image: Ai-generated