WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S. Secretary of Defence Pete Hegseth has declared that next time if he gets his hands on top-secret U.S. intelligence again, he will bypass the “reckless” approach of posting it on social media and instead use the “tried-and-true” method of leaking it through WikiLeaks.
“I made a mistake, folks,” Hegseth admitted. “Posting classified info on Signal? Amateur hour. A rookie mistake. Next time, I’ll do it like the professionals – anonymously, through a proper whistleblowing platform.”
The statement comes after Hegseth inadvertently shared sensitive military details during a live segment, attempting to illustrate how “everyone already knows this stuff anyway.”
Government officials scrambled to contain the fallout, but Hegseth has doubled down. “You think the Pentagon is mad now? Just wait until I figure out how to use encrypted emails. The deep state won’t know what hit ’em!” he said with a wink.
Legal experts warn that Hegseth’s new approach still likely violates national security laws, but Secretary of Defence remains undeterred.
“All I’m saying is, if you’re gonna leak, at least be classy about it. Julian Assange, Edward Snowden, Pete Hegseth – has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” he mused, before hurriedly clarifying that he was “totally joking” and “absolutely loves America.”
* Image: Flickr.com