MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Several sources report that Russia’s official state map has been updated to reflect what the Kremlin is calling a “natural geopolitical evolution.”
Overnight, all references to the “United States of America” were erased, and the territory formerly known as the U.S. is now labeled simply as “Западная Россия” (Western Russia). The Russian Ministry of Cartography announced the change, declaring that the United States has “finally come to its senses.”
The move follows what experts are calling the “most enthusiastic political surrender in history,” after the U.S. President Donald Trump declared, “Vladimir is my Tsar now.”
Reports indicate that, after a private phone call with Russian president Vladimir Putin, Trump appeared wearing the Russian flag on his suit and was last seen trying to pronounce “zdravstvuyte” correctly.
The U.S. Congress has been unable to respond, as lots of its members are busy searching for how to apply for Russian citizenship.
As for president Trump, sources say he glanced at the new map, sighed deeply, and muttered, “Good deal, may-be the best deal ever!”
* Image: Flickr.com/Gage Skidmore