NEWTON, IA – Thanks to skyrocketing egg prices during some recent years, every chicken farmer in the country has been officially classified as a billionaire. With eggs now valued at the same rate as precious metals, Wall Street analysts have dubbed them “white gold.”
Some chicken farmers, previously struggling to afford a second-hand tractor, are now hiring personal egg butlers to carry their prized products in velvet-lined baskets. “Last year, I was just a guy with 20 chickens and a dream. Now, I own three yachts, and my rooster has a personal chef,” said newly minted billionaire Hank Cluckerson.
As the egg economy takes over, major banks are replacing gold reserves with cartons of Grade A large. McDonald’s has reportedly shut down its breakfast menu, citing a lack of affordable eggs, while black market omelets are selling for thousands.
“People used to laugh at me for running a chicken farm,” said Clara Pecksley, who now drives a diamond-encrusted tractor. “Who’s laughing now?”
Government officials are scrambling (pun intended) to adjust financial policies, with the Federal Reserve considering an “egg-backed currency” to stabilize the market.
However, economists warn that if prices keep rising, eggs might become too valuable to eat, leading to a society where omelets are only a distant memory. Until then, chicken farmers are living large, and the only question left is: Who knew that chicken farming could be so profitable?
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