LOS ANGELES, CA – Hollywood was rocked – literally – this week when superstar Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson trained so hard at the gym that his legendary muscles slid right off his body.
Witnesses described the scene as “terrifying” and “like watching the Incredible Hulk turn back into Bruce Banner, but with way more baby oil involved.”
By the end of his session, The Rock’s arms looked like breadsticks, his chest like a collapsed air mattress, and his biceps had reportedly dripped into a puddle now being preserved in the gym’s Lost and Found.
“He just kept going, shouting ‘One more rep!’ until his triceps just gave up and left,” said one traumatized personal trainer.
Doctors are stumped but intrigued. “This is a medical miracle—or disaster, depending on whether you’re a fan of arm day,” said Dr. Linda McBenchpress, lead researcher at the International Muscle Physiology Labs. “We always warned people not to overtrain, but we never thought someone could literally sweat their muscles off. The man has turned cardio into black magic.”
“We always thought sweat was just water and electrolytes, but apparently it can also contain 240 pounds of lean muscle mass if you push hard enough,” Dr. Linda McBenchpress added.
The Rock reportedly filled three mop buckets with pure “protein-scented condensation,” which gym staff are considering bottling as a new pre-workout supplement called Essence of Rock.
The Rock himself remained optimistic, and posted a selfie on social media with the caption: “I may look like a middle school math teacher now, but I’ll still lift your spirits.”
In response, Hollywood insiders say Johnson may pivot to more brainy roles, with rumors circulating that he’s already signed on to star in The Rock: Origins of Microsoft Excel.
Also his colleague Vin Diesel has been quietly celebrating that he is once again “the buffest bald guy in the Fast & Furious family.”
*Image: X.com/@kirawontmiss