WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S. President Donald Trump expressed his deep sadness and growing sense of betrayal over the lack of social media engagement from fellow world leaders after his tweets regarding his meeting with Putin at the Alaska Summit last Friday and over the weekend.
“I tweet very powerfully – some say the most powerful tweets in the history of tweets,” Trump declared, clutching his iPhone. “But when I post, not even a single like from Macron, Trudeau, or even Kim! What happened to loyalty?”
Trump revealed that despite carefully crafting his tweets with “just the right amount of all-caps and exclamation marks,” global leaders have remained disturbingly silent.
“Friedrich Merz used to at least throw me a pity like. Now? Nothing. He even liked a Joe Biden meme last week. Sad!” Trump complained, eyes welling with what aides described as “very masculine, very patriotic tears.”
The president has reportedly compiled a spreadsheet titled “Fake Friends List,” where he tracks who’s interacting with his social media posts.
“Xi Jinping has a burner account, I know it. I saw it like a post about pandas doing kung fu,” Trump insisted. “Yet he ignores my tweet where I said the stock market was up because I ate a tremendous cheeseburger. Very dishonest.”
In response, Trump is considering launching a new social media summit at Mar-a-Lago, exclusively for world leaders willing to like, retweet, and maybe even quote-tweet his “brilliant” thoughts.
“If you’re not gonna heart my tweet, you’re not gonna eat my shrimp cocktail,” he warned.
Diplomats are scrambling to explain to their bosses what a retweet is.
* Image: X.com/@atrupar