LOS ANGELES, CA – California announced today that the state would “proudly cover the costs” of former President Donald Trump’s eventual funeral.
Provided, of course, that he is “really, absolutely, 100% dead.” Officials clarified that this unusual condition stems from concerns over Trump’s history of “reappearing in headlines long after everyone thought his career was buried.”
A governor’s spokesperson explained that this was less an act of generosity and more of an investment in long-term peace and quiet.
However, the real surprise came when the state sweetened the deal: offering to bury JD Vance alongside Trump at no extra cost, calling it the “two-for-one value package.”
The proposal was unveiled during a press conference where a giant coupon reading “Buy One, Get One Free Burial” was displayed behind the podium.
“We’re a state that believes in bulk deals and wholesale solutions,” the spokesperson said. “Why stop at one when you can bundle for savings? Costco does it, why can’t we?”
The crowd reportedly erupted in laughter, though one man was escorted out after shouting, “Make it three, add Giuliani!”
JD Vance’s office quickly pushed back, releasing a statement that read: “Senator Vance has no plans to be buried in California, let alone as part of some morbid promotional campaign. He intends to be buried in Ohio, where funerals come with a complimentary casserole.”
California officials, unfazed, responded by saying they were “flexible” and would be willing to throw in free parking validation and a live mariachi band if negotiations stalled.
Political analysts remain divided on the move. Some say it’s a clever way for California to troll Trump while boosting tourism, while others worry it could set a precedent for “combo-pack funerals.”
Still, the deal has already gained traction online, with memes circulating under the hashtag #TwoForTrump.
As one user on X put it: “California finally found the only infrastructure project Republicans might agree to.”
*Image: X.com