House Speaker Mike Johnson recently claimed that President Donald Trump had been an “FBI informant” in the Jeffrey Epstein case.
Anonymous sources close to nobody also hinted that Donald Trump spent years as a deep-cover FBI informant during the so-called “Epstein Hoax,” a bizarre sting operation allegedly masterminded by Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Joe Biden. Documents that definitely don’t exist suggest Trump’s assignment was to attend lavish parties and loudly announce “THIS IS ALL A HOAX, FOLKS!”
The MelonSmasher has come up with the following list of absolutely undeniable reasons why Trump was acting as FBI informant in the Epstein hoax:
1. He thought “FBI” stood for “Free Buffet Inside.”
2. The informant paycheck included unlimited spray tan vouchers.
3. He was promised a giant gold badge that said “Sheriff of Mar-a-Lago.”
4. He believed undercover work would help him finally catch Obama hiding his birth certificate in Area 51.
5. Hillary told him there would be free golf carts involved.
6. Biden once dared him to “snitch or be a loser.”
7. Most importantly, he wanted to make the biggest deal in FBI history.
Meanwhile, Democrats explained that Trump infiltrated their plan so well that he doesn’t remember doing it.
“Nobody has ever informed like I informed,” boasted Trump himself, adding, “The FBI begged me, they said, ‘Sir, you’re the James Bond of paperwork.’ And I am, except much richer, more handsome, and Bond never had better hair.”
*Image: AI-generated