WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump declared Thursday that he will impose “very strong, very beautiful tariffs” on movie theaters that fail to sell out screenings of ‘Melania’, the newly announced film inspired by the former First Lady’s life, wardrobe, and prolonged silences.
“It’s coming out tomorrow. Everyone’s talking about it. Some say it’s already the greatest movie never made,” President Trump explained.
“If the theaters aren’t full, that’s not my fault,” Trump said. “That’s bad theater management. Weak theaters. Very unfair to Melania, who many people are saying is the most cinematic First Lady ever. If the film ‘Melania‘ isn’t selling out, then nobody should be comfortable. That’s just good business.”
According to the proposed plan, theaters with empty seats during Melania showings would face tariffs of up to 200 percent on foreign films, indie movies, and anything “sad, foreign, or black-and-white.”
Trump emphasized that the policy would “bring audiences back to the movies where they belong—watching Melania walk slowly through large rooms while thinking powerful thoughts.”
He added that theaters could avoid penalties by simply “lying about ticket sales, like everyone else does.”
Industry experts expressed confusion over how tariffs – typically used for international trade – would apply to domestic movie theaters, but Trump waved off concerns.
“Look, tariffs are very versatile,” he said. “I’ve used them on China, steel, medicines, and now, so why not Melania?”
At press time, several theater chains announced emergency sellouts after employees were instructed to place coats, backpacks, and mannequins in unsold seats to avoid tariffs.
*Image: AI-generated