ZURICH, SWITZERLAND – In a groundbreaking study released today, independent researchers have confirmed what many suspected: anyone who says “Putin wants peace” is, by all measurable scientific criteria, just a fool.
The comprehensive analysis, conducted by the prestigious Institute of Common Sense and Neutral Observations (ICSNO), involved over 12,000 brain scans, interviews, and one awkward conversation with a guy named Klaus who still uses Facebook as his primary news source.
Lead researcher Dr. Heidi Von Matterhorn explained the findings at a press conference. “We applied rigorous methodology,” she said. “Every time a subject uttered the phrase, we observed an immediate drop in cognitive function, as if their brain took an unscheduled vacation to Fantasyland.”
The study also noted subjects were prone to additional phrases like “I did my own research” and “The media doesn’t want you to know.”
Swiss researchers are reportedly considering adding a warning label to every social media post containing the phrase, reading: “Caution: May Indicate Severe Detachment From Reality.”
Image: Flickr.com/Gage Skidmore