WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Trump administration expressed deep confusion this Wednesday after its decision to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America has failed to lower egg prices nationwide.
At the same time several experts called such move “bold, bizarre, and ultimately pointless.”
President Trump stated, “We thought, and many people agree, that by making the Gulf more American, prices would just…go down. That’s how it works, right?”
Officials within the administration had reportedly spent weeks brainstorming alternative names, including “MAGA Bay” and “Great American Water, the Best Water” before finally deciding to name it as “Gulf of America.”
White House economic advisors assured Trump that renaming large bodies of water could “absolutely impact grocery store prices,” citing a made-up 1776 precedent where George Washington allegedly slashed the price of wheat by renaming the Atlantic Ocean to “Liberty’s Bathtub” (a claim that remains unverified by historians).
However, despite the renaming ceremony egg prices stubbornly have remained the same. Sources say Trump was “shocked and appalled” that the plan hadn’t worked, lamenting, “Nobody knew egg pricing could be this complicated.”
When pressed for a new strategy, one senior official suggested renaming the entire Pacific Ocean to “America’s Ocean” in hopes of reducing gas prices.
Meanwhile, economists and grocery store owners nationwide have continued to insist that factors like supply chains, inflation, and avian flu outbreaks – not the names of oceans – determine egg prices.
But Trump remained unconvinced, promising supporters at a rally, “We will rename everything if we have to, folks. The Mississippi? It’s gonna be the Patriot River. Canada? Might be North Florida soon. Believe me, folks, we’re gonna get those egg prices down one way or another.”
* Image: Flickr.com/Geage Skidmore, Pixabay.com