WASHINGTON D.C. — In a stunning twist that has economists scratching their heads President Donald Trump announced today that he will end his self-declared “tariff war” with China – not with a deal, but with a dramatic emotional exit.
“If China doesn’t want to negotiate a better deal or makes it very difficult, I will just drop all the tariffs and walk away,” Trump declared, channeling the energy of a teenager ghosting their prom date.
Trump, who famously launched a 150% tariff on Chinese imports claiming that “China has been robbing us blind,” now insists that the best strategy is simply letting China win to teach them a lesson.
“They’ll come running back,” Trump said. “Trust me, I’ve seen this movie before. It’s called ‘They Always Come Crawling Back 2: The China Edition’.”
White House insiders report that Trump arrived at the decision after a long evening of watching Shark Tank reruns and talking to a fortune cookie that said “Sometimes, best deal is no deal.”
His new strategy, which he calls “reverse-economic-kung fu,” involves abandoning all leverage in hopes that confusion alone will secure a better trade agreement.
Chinese officials were reportedly “cautiously optimistic” about the news, though one diplomat was overheard asking, “Wait… is this a trap?”
* Image: Flickr.com/Gage Skidmore