WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump announced today that he intends to shatter all existing presidential breath-holding records by holding his breath for a full 48 hours.
The declaration came shortly after aides informed him that Barack Obama had once jokingly claimed he could hold his breath for 12 minutes while snorkeling in Hawaii.
“Twelve minutes is nothing,” Trump reportedly said. “People tell me all the time, I have the best lungs. Absolutely tremendous lungs.”
Medical experts nationwide immediately issued a collective groan, with one pulmonologist describing Trump’s goal as “ambitious in the same way jumping off a building to beat gravity is ambitious.”
Undeterred, Trump assured supporters at a rally that he had been preparing for this moment his entire life by not breathing during boring meetings and ignoring basic biological limits like no one has ever ignored limits before.
Sources say the 45th and 47th president plans to begin his marathon breath-hold at the White House, surrounded by a team of loyal advisors armed with stopwatches, inspirational posters, and a stack of nondisclosure agreements.
Reportedly, several advisors attempted to explain that 48 hours without oxygen was physically impossible, but Trump waved them off, insisting, “People said the same thing when I predicted I’d win the 2016 election, and again the 2024 elections. And look how that turned out.”
Meanwhile, Barack Obama responded to the news while laughing during a charity event, saying, “I’m pretty sure I never claimed I held my breath for 12 minutes. But if this inspires Donald to take a really long, peaceful nap, I wish him the best.”
As of press time, Trump had begun practicing by holding his breath for eight seconds, then demanding that everyone applaud.
*Image: AI-generated